by Scott McCarthy
I have just had a birthday so I’ve been a little more pensive than usual. Lately I’ve been wondering what to do with the last trimester of my life. I know that saying I have another trimester left may be a bit optimistic, so I decided to do a little research. I took an online test to see my biological age based upon lifestyle and health history and such. I was brutally honest about the conditions that have made me uninsurable like cholesterol and high blood pressure. Surprisingly, it pegged me at only a couple of years older than I really am. Now this has to be accurate because it was designed by Dr Oz and I believe that everything Oprah to be definitive.
Most of the questions made sense. You know, things like diet and exercise, but then others were surprising. Apparently there is a connection between flossing and longevity. Well I picked up points there. I definitely lost points for genetic history and martinis. Being single detracted from my score too. I did gain some back for exercise and regular sex. Well, not regular, but having it regularly. Fortunately, I have been banging the hottest guy at the gym for quite a while. (Fellow gym members, don’t even try to guess because it’s too obscure). He is so seriously hot that when we are together I am aware that it must look like I kidnapped him. I’m not really knocking myself so much as that he is the total specimen. Well, that recently ended; it turns out that he was using me for sex. How cool is that! There’s no accounting for some people’s taste. I will miss it, I mean him. But I will lose some lifetime credits now for lack of sex.
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